How to Get Your First Love Back in 10 Steps

Getting someone you are still in love with back is a challenge, but it is possible if you stay positive and proactive. The reality of getting him/her back is that you have to put in the work and they have to be available.

If it is years since you’ve seen your Ex and you know they’ve moved on to marriage and children, assess if you want to be the person that disrupts the life they already have. Sometimes timing is everything and even though it might not be right today, that doesn’t mean it won’t be in the future. If you know your first love is available and would like to try to get him/her interested in you again, it’s time to get started and learn how to get your ex wife back.

1. Know Who You Are

This is a long process for many people. It is your job to be independent and interesting beyond your relationship status. What makes you attractive to others is how much your life is fulfilled without anyone in it. No one wants someone they are emotionally responsible for completely and part of staying emotionally mature is making sure you have a life that isn’t challenged by a relationship. Start with a hobby or two and build a group of friends for support. Work on the things you know you need to work on the most.

2. Change Your Vocabulary


Many people say that communication is the most important part of a relationship. If you felt like you didn’t fully understand an issue or couldn’t communicate properly, this should be fixed prior to a new relationship. This isn’t to say that you are at fault in any way, it’s just a skill that many need to practice. Communicate the way your potential partner needs to hear something, rather than how you need to hear it.

3. Get Moving

Exercise is very important for your well being, showing your first love that you are interested in being healthy builds chemistry.

4. Be Confident Not Overly Confident

If you want to know how to get your first love back, the first active thing you need to do is exude the right kind of confidence. Pay attention to the words you use and use them with tact. Think about your responses to things that are said and react with respect for yourself and others. Never put yourself down. Never put yourself above others, it’s not an attractive quality. Positive self-talk should be practiced, as well as positive conversations about others and their good qualities.

5. Making Contact

The first time you contact your first love, you should be ready to show them that you’ve grown in many ways. Asking them on a date is too formal, so try a text. Texting is intriguing and can mean many different things. Text a photo of something he/she will remember or a place you visited recently and add a short reason of why it reminded you of him/her.

Don’t make it longer than one text – multiples feel like stalking. Stay away from leading phrases like I miss you, or I wish I could see you. Short and sweet is the key. If you are missing them, they are missing you as well. Don’t act on those feeling first, it is time to get to know how much he/she has grown and show off how much you have.

6. Get The Date

Having coffee or lunch is the next step. Initiate a meeting by saying you’d like to show them something, or talk with them about something new in your life. You should have something ready. A good example would be asking his/her professional opinion about something going on in your life that is new. Maybe your first love is a Real Estate Agent and you want advice in purchasing a home.

how to get your ex wife back

7. Talk About Your Future

If you talk about your future goals and plans with positive remarks they will miss being a part of them. During your conversation make sure to stay away from desperate phrases (I need you, I miss you). If they make a move toward talking about getting back together remember not to jump at the chance, there isn’t anything wrong with saying you’d like to think about it.

8. Don’t Feel Rejected

After the first meeting, you should have information about where his/her life is and know if you want to be a part of it. IF you are still ready to get your ex back, move forward with class. You may have to build a friendship where you “hang out,” before you feel like he/she is interested enough to have a conversation about dating.

9. Take It Slow

If you are on speaking terms, take whatever relationship you have slow. Patience is very important at this stage.

10. Be Happy

If you’ve worked on your life, have a great future and a potential future with your first love, be happy. Moving forward into a relationship is the cherry on top. The journey toward a committed relationship should be memorable and fun.